cover-up

It is discouraging to see how quickly I resort to trying to cover my low planks. I can't stop my proneness to hide my weaknesses, my default mode that constantly magnetizes towards trying to make everything seem ok. The Body of Christ is so stalled when I do that. What a horrible mistake to make.

I'm not ok. I am still really broken, I have lived a selfish, wrong-direction, sinful life until God began revealing Himself, His greatness and His unconditional, and immeasurable grace to me. And since then (about 2 years ago) I have been spending a lot of time around healed people. And I am now realizing that during much of the past 2 years, I have tried to make my restoration towards holiness happen on my own. I saw it in others, and I tried to get it myself (through Christian books, disciplines, practices..etc) I tried to make it happen without submitting to God doing it - however he wants - probably through a furnace. Discipline produces the peaceful fruit of righteousness, but even if it didn't  - It doesn't matter because it is for His glory, not mine.

God can cause this shift of looking differently at my brokenness though.
"Therefore thus says the Lord God: Now I will restore the fortunes of Jacob and have mercy on the whole house of Israel, and I will be jealous for my holy name. They shall forget their shame and all the treachery they have practiced against me, when they dwell securely in their land with none to make them afraid," Ezekiel 39:25-26. 

It is still so hard to revisit those treacherous places. But He will make me forget them or see them anew.

I hear the Lord say today, "Son, if you only knew how big my Grace really is. Your past and your idolatry, and your disobedience is more wrong than you'll ever know. But please stop trying to equalize it - you will never be able to come close - it's impossible. Impossible.
Please go to the Cross. The perfect redemption that you don't even know you're looking for is there."

Dannah chastised...I mean reminded...me about blogging;)

Hawaii has gotten better:) The Lord has his hand so much on New Hope - it's such a blessing to be around!

Something so cool that He has been doing in my time out here has been allowing me to understand things about myself, Him, and life in a more organized and prioritized way. 

I feel like in some ways, my mind/heart have been moving from this:

To this:

I used to drown in is confusion, because of an inability to stand on truth as Truth, and it would cause me to get so discouraged.

I feel more organized and put together, more grounded in God's truth and stronger in the sense that I am finding victory in things that used to easily drag me off course from pursuing Him. 

I've begun to enjoy the excitement of learning that scripture and Truth straight-up allow me to realign my wavering flesh back onto the Truth about my place in God's story and my identity as His child...like seriously we can tell ourselves "No, Billy, wherever that thought came from, it's not true and THIS is how you should be thinking," and it listens!!! :)  

But at the same time, I have also seen how weak and unable I am to even enter into that process. It's hard:/ Sometimes it feels like I just can't do it. I don't have the energy or might to drag myself before the Lord and call on His strength.

A friend of mine just shared with me some wisdom she received from an older woman in our church recently...This woman told her that some mornings she has a really really really hard time getting out of bed (she's like 70). She says that seriously, sometimes she really just can't get out of bed. And what she does is sing hymns until she has enough strength to get up and start her day. "The joy of the Lord is my strength...the joy of the Lord is my strength...the joy of the Lord is my strength..." for sometimes more than 30 minutes before she can actually get up. I 'know' that He is faithful to come and rescue us, but I give up so fast, and choose a crappy temporal fill. 

Could you guys please be praying for that. I miss you. see you on the 30th - *hopefully (i'm flying standby)

i love you guys

I'm giving up, Lord.

I still fall into trying to be a good Christian:(
I'm learning that's a seriously dangerous goal. Beneath that seemingly good goal, is a performance, 'me-focused' understanding of walking with God. It reveals my misunderstanding that I have to do stuff well - I don't, I can't. If I really understood how free I am by the cross ALONE - and how my performance seriously has nothing to do with God's love and affection for me. I would live differently.
I had a breakdown on Friday and it was the culmination of try, try, try harder, try to figure it out, try to piece it together, try, try, NOT WORKING!
I am living by the false gospel that says, "Billy, make sure you nail this presentation at Children's ark today...make sure you say the right things when you meet with this guy today...make sure you affirm 8 (not 6) people today...make sure you don't spend more than x amount on food this month...blah blah blah."
I am seeing that the things most forefront on my mind over the past year or so have been things having to do with the Gospel, but not the heart of it. Things relating to Christ, things that can better my relationship with Him, spiritual disciplines that have to do with Christ, spending time with community that also loves Christ...but it hasn't been Christ Himself. Community is flawed, disciplines are flawed, small groups are flawed, services are flawed, Christian books are flawed. Christ is not flawed. Neither is the cross(Heb 10:14).
I am seeing how easily it is to fall into setting my mind on things other than Christ's cross. It is the most important thing to ever happen, and there is no better thought for me to set my mind on than that. When i sit on it, I am reminded of my sin, and I can temporarily see the frailty of trying. It - out of love - affirms that "Billy, apart from me you can't do anything. Literally nothing. Apart from me humanity is screwed. But because I love you. I made a way, offering renewal and regeneration."

And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.
Ezekiel 36:26-27

Father, I can't walk in your statutes. I try and try and fail and fail, I'm sick of it. I feel like my walk has led me to give up - and I feel like that's a good thing. Would you help me give up and just press into You who will never deny my seek. Would you captivate me so that I am able to sit at your feet and wait, aiming to live obediently while you refine my heart. Will you give me the strength to endure the many, many withdrawals of my flesh as my heart is transformed in You. You are so good, Lord. Truly soo far beyond all comparison.

forgotten foundation

These lyrics really jumped out this morning:

When the walls close in around me
Let Your glory light the darkness of my night
When the suffering's all that I see
May I walk with You by faith and not by sight
Amidst a season of the Lord cautioning me from a 'me-and-my-works' based understanding of serving Him, working me down instead of up, simple instead of complex:

I'm realizing a wrong way in which I approach God in struggle. 
Somewhere along the way I've began to develop this horrible misunderstanding that says since I am growing and now know more about walking with the Lord, I've lost my rookie excuse and can't use the "I have no idea what's going on God, but I need you." I still miss the Truth that says I don't have to become a good Christian, I don't have to diagnose all of my spiritual problems and prescribe remedies, I can forever cry, "Lord I'm sinking, I have no idea what's going on, save me! Let your Glory light the darkness of my night!"  


Praise Him for being the most incredible teacher ever; revealing to us where we're missing it, and blessing childlike desperation!
I love you FATHER!

Prayer please

Hi guys!
I really miss you.

Hawaii is beautiful. My living situation is really blessed, 4 rad guys, who all serve and are so nice and fun. They're all really adventurous and disciplined and older than me and it's been really good to be around that. We went spearfishing on Memorial Day - awesome! I didn't catch anything but when you see a fish and start chasing it, the anticipation was enough fun in itself;)
The people are nice to haoles like me, waves are great, the exposure to church stuff is awesome, the Spirit moves so visibly and so often!

But I'm tired spiritually. It's like stretching a sore muscle - or working out a muscle that I don't even have yet;) But God is so faithful and even amidst my irritation, frustration, and ungraceful exhaustion I am hearing him more clearly than I can ever remember.

Can you pray for me please, I need it.
For courage to step into anything that he asks of me. And for an awareness and strength to call on the Spirit for help to push through when I get tired and/or frustrated.

How has circles been going?

Just let. me love you

I love you guys.
I am sad to be leaving you for the next couple months. Circles has been such an awesome gift of community.

The retreat was so cool this weekend:

Nick C, thank you for praying over me that, "I walk in victory, now."
Nick A, thank you so much for reminding me that "I can't outgive the giver, and that I can't love Him without Him letting me!!" That was huge for me to hear.
Dannah, thanks for opening up about your desert that you feel you're in. I am too.
Lindsay thank you for posting that Graham Cooke video that reminded me that I can't do anything to make God love me more. I was not walking in an understanding of that.

God's illuminating something for me lately...My lack of really receiving the deep, validating, and freeing love of the Father. Brennan Manning described it, "to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart and feel liked and accepted." I understand it, but I haven't been living it. And I'm thankful for confusion and despair driving me back to it. I've lately been thinking the Christian life is about doing great things for God as a validating end in itself. Ironically enough, I've driven myself into a stupid, confused place of not doing anything.

I've given such little attention to rejoicing in the Truth that I am God's son!!! I AM! :) and he's obsessed with me. He says to his angels, look at that stud down there, I love him so much - I just wish he learned that it was less about trying to figure it all out and he would just rest in me and all my powerful love alone.

Hawaii

I wanted to tell you guys tomorrow, but I am not going to be there :(


On Monday, I committed to going to Hawaii for a 2 month internship in June and July.


I'm stoked about it.


Over the past while, as I have been learning to see my gifts and better understand how I should be expending them for the Kingdom; I have equally experienced a discontent in recognizing that I'm not using them. I don't feel a peace or confidence that I'm walking in the role that God designed me to fulfill.


The past two years, a time that most take steps towards mastering their craft and walking into their roles, God has been doing much foundational work in my mind and heart in understanding Him and the Christian life - work that I should have surrendered to him doing sooner. I don't see it as punishment, far from punishment is being nurtured (or as Bri or Caydin? would say, 'massaged':) by the Spirit, transforming into the image of pure and holy God. But the fact that I blew my college years chasing after the wind, I needed a season to learn important truths about God. In it, I've seen the Lord take my life, then gripping the world tightly, release me and reveal that following Jesus, and worshipping and enjoying intimacy with God is the purpose of existence. My mind and heart now know that unexperienced treasures lie ahead in fully releasing and turning towards Christ. My head and heart are looking at Him, and I'm now consciously fighting to pull out the remnants of the unhealthy affair my flesh had with the world. 


I don't know if there's a more noticeable area of my life that I can see this tension in than in my thoughts of work and vocation. Because of the confusion, without a doubt, the question I most hate answering is "What do you want to do for work?" "What are your plans, what are you wanting to do when you.....are thirty?!" 
I've been overwhelmed and still don't get a lot of it. I'm confused about why in my mind I don't think I can pursue Christ as fully and with as much enthusiasm in a secular job as I could in ministry; and more broadly I'm amidst the breaking down of a career understanding where I'm at the top of a water slide platform with 4 slides to choose to go down, with so many factors distracting God's voice.


Building frustrations have turned into sarcastic remarks about how I have no idea when people ask. But I really don't think it's very funny :( I want so badly to feel the joy and contentment that comes from effectively pouring my gifts into a role that I know God's equipped me for. 


So the thing I am most excited about Hawaii is that it will continue what circles has planted and further allow me to see God's desire for me in this area. I hope God will further till my fleshly proneness to desiring comfort over obedience in the area of a job, and that I will be able to more accept that I've been made by God. The same God who commanded the world to come into existence! I want to be unleashed man.

*Cool side note - I have a friend who, since starting college, has been drifting. And God has been putting him on my heart over the past year or so and I haven't been faithful in praying for him and going up and visiting him at school. He called me the other day to tell me he'll be going to Hawaii for 6 weeks to play baseball. Same time! Same island!:)
I told him i was gonna be there too - I wish I could do his reaction justice;)


So please be praying for diligence and for God to move huge. My friends name is Trevor.
I will definitely keep you guys updated.

Which is the greatest commandment?

I’m reading a book that spent some time on looking at how Jesus made such a big deal of sifting the religiosity of the law in Torah down to two commandments that should always reign and can cover every other law: Love God, and Love others.

Yesterday, something happened, that in revisiting, made me sadly realize I err here.

A family friend recently experienced a called-off engagement. One of them recently began walking with the Lord - and I think that played a big part in the decision to call it off. My mom, sister and I were talking about it, and we were talking about how hard it must be for the heartbroken one - who has no idea why the other person called it off. Then, without pausing to consider, I said, “That is really sad, but I think Mark made a good decision in taking seriously his relationship with God and recognizing the seriousness of this stuff. Can you imagine marrying someone who doesn’t know God?”

They responded with comments pointing to: “Billy, how could you be so insensitive, she could change, and Mark hasn’t even been going to church that long himself, who is he to do something like this - they were engaged!”

At the time, the reaction surprised me. But in looking back - it was really dumb to say that. It was spurred by a wrong understanding as to how we’re to influence others towards Christ. My mind was juggling my sister really needing to learn how important being equally yoked is (and I thought it was going to happen from me saying one sentence); an awareness that I need to grow in firmness and standing firm in God’s truth more boldly; and a corrupt heart wanting to appear godly and right :-/ just like the pharisees. That desire to boast in my understanding of the importance of God’s law came out in an unsympathetic attitude toward a person who’s world had just been turned upside down, and instead of lovingly encouraging my sister, I threatened her with, “Kelly, you better take your relationship with God more seriously or this might happen to you.”

It was picture perfect pharisee.

Walking around with a plank in my eye, thinking I’m supposed to be a kingdom cop and make sure everyone knows what’s right and what God wants them to do. That’s not my job - thankfully - it’s a crappy one.

Following Christ can’t result in a loveless, middle finger to the world, “I’m right you’re wrong,” “I’m pursuing God, so get the heck out of my way” overzealousness. It’s such a backwards theology. “For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:17

Lord, help us learn how to live in the delicate balance of loving like Jesus did.

the best DATE I'll EVER go on.

How incredibly precious and important a daily withdrawal into quiet meeting time with God is! 


There's not really a manual for how to get there and how to spend intimate with Him - and I'm beginning to see that as a cool, instead of frustrating, part of it. It's an art, learning how to meet with God.
I feel like one thing God has been teaching me in this, is that while it should be part of our daily routines (meeting with God), the way to go about it is not really to-do list, routine-mentality. When we're able to meet in deep communion with God, it's a result of wits-end, genuine, passionate, urgent desires to have Him help us, guide us, fill us, and a recognition that only He can teach us what we want to know, and that we are coming to meet before Him out of desperation and a posture that says we're not even going to waste our time trying to do it ourselves. 


While the interaction and communication of a quiet time has to come from deep in our hearts. Beyond our hearts, our bodies are actually somewhere, doing something during these times. We don't just disappear while we meet with God, there is a setting and an environment that we our IN when we meet with God. 
I've been finding that these peripheral and seemingly unimportant details of meeting with God are sometimes the things can make or break my time with God. Considering our frail will, and easily distracted minds - our preparation of not only our hearts, but our environments too, can be hugely beneficial. Sure, God can meet intimately with us anywhere, at anytime, but I think there is something to be said about us creating environments to cater to that. 

I got to listen to a man of God who, for 18 months, everyday, spent 8-12 hours in solitude sitting in the presence of God, learning to spend time with Him, and one of the things that he stressed is that the care in which we prepare before a quiet time is important to think about - and is an act of worship. 


Trying to squeeze meeting with God during a shower before we go out and hang out with friends for the night; is different than excitedly anticipating that place 20 minutes away that you're going to drive to, bring a blanket, Bible, journal, and music to meet with God, and be eager to hear from Him and take great care in processing what He shares with us. 
*nothing wrong with meeting God in the shower :) just to illustrate the point of loving God and being more excited to go and meet with Him than we are to go on a date with the someone.  
I'm sure He enjoys that. 


This is a very individual and unique thing for each of us. An opportunity to enter in a creative worship process to step outside conventional scripture at bedside styles, and do anything and everything to Meet with God! The quiet time that suits my personality, wandering mind, and back aches will look different than yours. 


God, You are so great Lord! Thank you for allowing us to meet with you. It's the most incredible experience on earth. Please take the place of intimate lover and friend over any other relationships in all our lives! Court us as your bride, Lord. Praise you for your faithfulness in revealing yourself to us when we seek you! 

STAY

"...lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed."
proverbs 5:10-11


We belong to His Kingdom, we're slaves of His righteousness, colaboring in His work. 
As we journey towards Christ, we increasingly become more and more interested and invested in His purposes. Our lives progress towards becoming more and more focused on worshipping Him and devoting our lives to His Kingdom come. We get better at leveraging life to elevate Him. 


When we stop abiding, though, we let "strangers take their fill of our strength." we are momentarily (for the amount of time we walk away from the Spirit) stopping our Kingdom work. 


We're slacking workers on the clock.


This is the Message translation of v. 10:  "Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you? Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?"


When I fail to remain in Christ, I sin - I'm giving myself to something that doesn't love me. God and His Kingdom is NOT the side that profits. My life is NOT being used for Him. 
Why do I let Satan profit from even a second of my labor?! Why do I use any of my vapor of a life to advance evil; idolize money, position, sex, myself; not worship my all-deserving God; and by all these actions confuse others who - with critical eyes - watch my life as I proclaim to live for Christ but don't. 


I am so discouraged as I watch myself get distracted away from the amazing peace in Christ, where I KNOW i am supposed to STAY, and where I love being.


can you guys please pray for me in trying to be disciplined in scheduling and structuring my time. That I would schedule in a way that's protective of my well-being with God more than anything else that fills up my time. I have been seeing that a lot of distractions are rooted in this.


God, would you make us hate our lives away from you. Would we feel so depressed, scared, and unstable outside of you. Would you let us taste your Glory so richly that being outside of it makes us freak out. Help us to STAY in You. 

Nouwen

In the Compassion chapter, Nouwen talks about suffering with others, and the difference between compassion and pity being depth/intentionality of living with another when they are suffering. 

I'm going to have trouble describing this, but I really feel it and see it. There seems to be a  pressure at/around Church for everyone to be stoked and filled all the time. I've woken up Sundays and said "Nah, I'm not gonna go to service this morning" and in getting down to the root of it, it's that I don't want to have to put up with a bunch of happy, shallow "HEY! :)'s" when I'm not wrestling spiritually. Oftentimes I don't feel that church is a place for me be encouraged and guided in the times I need it the most. So I stay away, and Satan kicks me down while I'm alone, until I find enough strength to crawl back to God, or until I can sit down with a close friend and work things out. 

I don't know who said it but I've heard this quote quite a few times over the past couple months, and I think it's great. "The Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum of saints." I hope we as the Body can grow in our corporate worship times to be this for all of us sinners that need the Body in these times. 

A daily; slow cultivation

I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever.
I was just being thoughtful and didn't want to overburden you guys with too many posts;) 
kidding, but I have been having a really hard time processing things lately, and I can get even more off track if I start rambling on a blog


I love deals. There's a blog called slickdeals.net that you all should familiarize yourselves with;) (its great). I think a reason that I like deals so much is because they're an easy shortcut. If I can get something for a great deal, then I don't have to make as much money - easier and less work. 


I've been thinking lately about my approach to reading Christian books. God's been revealing to me that reading Christian books can sometimes act as a "slickdeal" in my pursuit of Him. They're 10 bucks, I can read them in a couple days, and they're full of valuable quick-fix gems that grow me towards Christlikeness, instead of consistently reading the Bible, being firm and saying no to things so I can spend time with God, exhaustingly fighting temptation, praying, etc. 


HA! Wouldn't that be nice if that's how easily transformation into holiness happened! 


That's seriously how I have often approached Christian books :/
I would relate it to spending hours 'talking' through the mechanics, and theoretically learning how to hit a homerun by Derek Jeter - but never practicing or actually swinging a bat. Then I get thrown into a game and..... 
Strike out on 3 straight pitches. (making Derek Jeter look like a horrible teacher)
translation:
I spend hours with Christian authors, theoretically learning how to walk in Christ, and 'grasping' how to have my life shine as a result of the energy from my powerful and supernatural intimacy between myself and Christ. I "get" the importance of spiritual disciplines and how they kindle Fire, I would say, yeah, yeah, I know the world is distracting and following Christ is against the grain and upstream and that it takes diligence and awareness, and constant prayer.
And then I would go to the field (life), and would experience a big gap between my understanding and ability to continually walk in that understanding.  


It's the daily. The slow, steady, consistent, Holy-Spirit-and-Bible-saturated pilgrimage into intimate fellowship with God over a lifetime. 

We (our age group) are so susceptible to not learning this. It's really easy to overlook the idea that a life of discipleship is a long haul and then not see ourselves acting otherwise. We have no idea how much the fast-paced, immediacy-driven culture we live in affects how we pursue KNOWING GOD.


Lord, teach us that our default mode is our flesh, and give us a violent distaste for it's sin but free us from a critical and negative spirit. Draw us into your satisfying presence is, and give us grace and endurance to stay there with everything we have. 

because of HIS GREAT LOVE for us

Father, we're depravity prone, selfish, and a hindrance to You being displayed in our lives. Would you please give us Your heart of mercy.  

I'm in a small group at my church and we're going through this book called 'The Kingdom Experiment.'  It's on the beatitudes and it's main purpose is practically living the beatitudes instead of just getting together and talking about what they mean (each week there are kingdom 'experiments' trying to get to the heart of each beatitude). This week we are on mercy. 'Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.' 
We were discussing in what situations it is really challenging for us to be merciful and serve when we don't feel like submitting, and in times when mercy is questionably deserved. It was really interesting to see how each persons struggles in showing mercy were so different. From, "I can't stand that person, and I don't want to give surface-mercy," "When I'm drained and moody, I just don't want to, I just dont have the energy to push myself into being merciful," to "I resort to thinking, oh that's not my gift, another part of the body will take care of that." 
Really, really different. But the same is that we all recognized that we get to a point where we are just not down for being merciful. Uniquely, we all have situations that totally DO NOT cater to us acting in mercy. And so the question went to, when we get 'stuck' in these positions of not joyfully showing mercy, how do we do it - when there is a clear call for us to push ourselves aside, forget about how tired or broke WE are, and be Christ (outside of circumstances enabling laziness), how do we live mercifully?


One of the girls in our group started sharing about what the Lord has been teaching her and it was such an amazing revelation. 


At the core of it was looking at Jesus' heart in coming to earth. Earth and the cross were not in any way enticing. They were hideous - but necessary for our atonement. 
How much must He have rather stayed in heaven. "Father, if there is any way, take this cup from me, but not my will but yours be done."
When He, sitting in Glory, looked down on our situation, foresaw His life, and decided still to dive into our mess. There is no greater example of mercy. Never has there been or will there be a more extreme example of choosing to be merciful when everything logical pointed to staying in Heaven. We didn't deserve it, and in order to make it happen, it was ALL Him and it was brutal sacrifice. 
In meditating on Christ's mercy towards us, never do we have even the slightest situation that allows for complaining. 
For my heart take even the slightest turn towards not gladly letting Christ's mercy for me overflow to the needy and undeserving is undermining the mercy and love of Christ sacrificing Himself for us. 




When we recognize this, SO heightened is the NEED for us to STAY constantly in the Spirit, allowing His strength to pour through us to shine a light so bright that Satan trembles. 
Please teach us this, God. We won't figure it out on our own. 

It's sacred

How sacred are we with this:

When God teaches us something - how reverent are we with it? Do we treat it right? 

Lately, I feel I have been disrespectfully blabbering about things of God as a mere conversation piece - Just talking, irreverently about; “yeah, so the Lord is trying to teach me more about dying to myself, so anyways, what are you doing for the Superbowl?”

I think there is a difference between rejoicing within community over what God is doing in our lives, and also opening up to each other to sharpen one another. But irresponsibly and half-heartedly rambling about the intimate things that you and God are working out is not cool.

God is God. How dare I taint and dirty mine and His intimacy by running around and blabbering about what He is revealing to me without serious reverence and thought. 

If it’s a huge no-no to air you and your spouses dirty laundry - how much more to advertise ours and God’s. We are graced enough to experience Him teaching us things by His divine way. It’s unreal to think about. I think we need to respect it more, and let things REALLY penetrate deep into our hearts and lives before we go use it as an Oprah topic in trivial conversations. 

I had someone (probably the wisest men I know) tell me once, “Be careful about ‘giving away’ the things God is trying to teach you before you really have had the chance to process them yourself.” 

I’ve been thinking about what happens when we prematurely seek guidance from anyone besides God in figuring out. When we are going through a period of the Lord teaching us something - before we fully understand what He’s trying to teach us, and well before we’re able to actualize it into our lives - we’re so quick to run to someone and excitedly share what God is doing in our lives. I’ve been convicted lately to stop doing that, and to wait for more from God - the direct, only, ultimate source. I feel like I have error’d so many times when I get the slightest beginning of something that God is trying to teach me and I say “thanks God, i’m gonna go get the rest of it from a human being.” How foolish! I need to wait, and wait, and wait more, and STAY, until he reveals what he wants me to see clearly. What if God has so much more for us, so much more that he wants to give us if we just stay, and continue listening to Him. 

He taught me this in such a cool way this week - Praise Him!

....Just to clarify - I think so much benefit comes and Christian community is so much more able to be used by God if we are honest and open about things. 

But I feel the Lord asking me to be more reverent with the things He gives me - because he wants to give us more! :)

What would it look like if someone followed Christ with the drive, determination, and tenacity that Kobe practices and plays basketball with, lil wayne raps with, or Steve Jobbs runs apple with?

thoughts?

Amidst my dad going to the hospital twice for a stomach infection (he’s okay), getting a new job, and a weeklong experience of the day-to-day tasks of ministry....I don’t think I have ever thought about God so consistently and predominantly than I have this week. 
It’s Friday afternoon, and I feel like i should be drained beyond belief - but I’m not. I want to include a 'thanks to coffee joke' but really, I have been praying for strength, endurance, and rest, and I believe the Lord is showing me that He really does that. 

I’ve felt a prompting lately to withdrawal from situations that i would classify as “my friends and I having nothing to do, so were gonna get together and fill it.” 

I guess you could, but it would be a stretch to call it beneficial fellowship. Not that it’s a bad way to spend our time, but considering eternity, I would call it wasteful. So i’ve been saying no to lunches, movie nights, and other things to spend more time worshipping, reading, and spending intentional time with people that I wouldn’t normally gravitate towards. Oh my goodness has God blessed it! 

Like I said, I have been feeling this prompting for quite sometime and questioning how lazily we spend our time, and it has taken me a season of recurring “Billy, you’re so stupid, you just wasted 4 hours watching sportscenter reruns.” to finally start trying it. 

Another strength that has pushed me over the hump to actually start living these desires was something my pastor said on Sunday. “You better be prepared to let people down over letting God down.” And strangely, just seeing it from that different angle made it so easy to tell my friends “no thanks man, I’m trying to spend more time with God this week.”

All to say, the Lord has began teaching me such an important truth about how seriously I need to value and almost in a sense, ‘be selfish’ about my time with Him. At base, spending time with God is the most basic pillar of spiritual growth, but it’s so shocking at how we unconsciously place so many things above valuing our time with Him. 

Matthew 6:33 owned me this week. 

FIRST FIRST FIRST! Nothing should compromise our primary devotion to our time with God. Not work, not school, not relationships, not anything. 

and ALL ALL ALL - literally EVERYTHING appropriately flows when we’re seeking Him first. 

Hi, CIRCLES!

Hi guys!

My name is Billy and I'm so excited to start CIRCLES and grow together with all of you!

About myself:
I'm sure Facebook could help with that :)
Aside from that, I would say a significant 'about me' is that about a year and a half ago, my life changed considerably. Upon graduating, my schedule slowed down and I realized I was in a terrible place with God. Combined with that, all of the "fact based, 'knowledge is power'" tone I had been hearing throughout college, caught up with me and I needed to go on a search of the existence of God. He satisfied my search about 4 pages into a book I was reading on God's existence.
Pretty much immediately after that, God began revealing to me an incredibly new and enlivening understanding of Him, His character, His desire to have an every-second continual relationship with me, and His desire for my career and life plans to be thrown away completely and relearned in Him. This past year has been awesome, difficult, sorrowful, joyful, excited, depressing, and between all of that emotion the Lord has been teaching me the importance and difficulty of disciplining ourselves to stay steadfast through valleys by holding onto Truth and continuing disciplines when things get trying.

I don't currently attend RockHarbor all that often (about 2 Sunday nights a month), but am excited to become a part of the high school or college ministry through CIRCLES. I am currently involved in the college/young adults ministry and attending church at Beachpoint Church in Fountain Valley.
I am currently working (and will be ending shortly) for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society doing fundraising development with them.
I hope to spend the majority of my working hours over the next 8 months doing CIRCLES, ministry @ Beachpoint church, and learning God. I'm sure a part-time job will also need to fit somewhere in there;)

Looking forward to meeting you guys this Saturday!

Best,
Billy