Galatians 5:16-17

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. Galatians 5:16-17

Friday, May 6, 2011


I wanted to tell you guys tomorrow, but I am not going to be there :(

On Monday, I committed to going to Hawaii for a 2 month internship in June and July.

I'm stoked about it.

Over the past while, as I have been learning to see my gifts and better understand how I should be expending them for the Kingdom; I have equally experienced a discontent in recognizing that I'm not using them. I don't feel a peace or confidence that I'm walking in the role that God designed me to fulfill.

The past two years, a time that most take steps towards mastering their craft and walking into their roles, God has been doing much foundational work in my mind and heart in understanding Him and the Christian life - work that I should have surrendered to him doing sooner. I don't see it as punishment, far from punishment is being nurtured (or as Bri or Caydin? would say, 'massaged':) by the Spirit, transforming into the image of pure and holy God. But the fact that I blew my college years chasing after the wind, I needed a season to learn important truths about God. In it, I've seen the Lord take my life, then gripping the world tightly, release me and reveal that following Jesus, and worshipping and enjoying intimacy with God is the purpose of existence. My mind and heart now know that unexperienced treasures lie ahead in fully releasing and turning towards Christ. My head and heart are looking at Him, and I'm now consciously fighting to pull out the remnants of the unhealthy affair my flesh had with the world. 

I don't know if there's a more noticeable area of my life that I can see this tension in than in my thoughts of work and vocation. Because of the confusion, without a doubt, the question I most hate answering is "What do you want to do for work?" "What are your plans, what are you wanting to do when you.....are thirty?!" 
I've been overwhelmed and still don't get a lot of it. I'm confused about why in my mind I don't think I can pursue Christ as fully and with as much enthusiasm in a secular job as I could in ministry; and more broadly I'm amidst the breaking down of a career understanding where I'm at the top of a water slide platform with 4 slides to choose to go down, with so many factors distracting God's voice.

Building frustrations have turned into sarcastic remarks about how I have no idea when people ask. But I really don't think it's very funny :( I want so badly to feel the joy and contentment that comes from effectively pouring my gifts into a role that I know God's equipped me for. 

So the thing I am most excited about Hawaii is that it will continue what circles has planted and further allow me to see God's desire for me in this area. I hope God will further till my fleshly proneness to desiring comfort over obedience in the area of a job, and that I will be able to more accept that I've been made by God. The same God who commanded the world to come into existence! I want to be unleashed man.

*Cool side note - I have a friend who, since starting college, has been drifting. And God has been putting him on my heart over the past year or so and I haven't been faithful in praying for him and going up and visiting him at school. He called me the other day to tell me he'll be going to Hawaii for 6 weeks to play baseball. Same time! Same island!:)
I told him i was gonna be there too - I wish I could do his reaction justice;)

So please be praying for diligence and for God to move huge. My friends name is Trevor.
I will definitely keep you guys updated.


  1. "My head and heart are looking at Him, and I'm now consciously fighting to pull out the remnants of the unhealthy affair my flesh had with the world." such a great picture of sanctification. we are in the process of being rescued from ourselves! crazy. ill be praying for you billy. good post

  2. Just reading this I can feel a sense of peace in your words:) So blessed by knowing you and getting the chance to talk more. God has a plan- a glorious plan for you, He has. Take heart, brother Billy, He is faithful. I'm encouraged by your boldness.

  3. I'm excited for you Billy for this opportunity to go to Hawaii! So awesome! It sounds like God has been transforming your heart and I'm excited to hear how He works in your life in Hawaii. I will be praying for you and Trevor :)

  4. It's sorta split into 3rds.

    young adults
    main campus

    We have a retreat the first weekend we get there to try and feel for what roles we will best fit into

  5. :) I'm so excited for you. God can use you anywhere at anytime and He does. Don't feel like you are wasting away unless you are really just sitting alone for days on end doing nothing.... lol, which you aren't. You are a light and I am so encouraged by you. I'm sorry for the sarcastic remarks that come with the unknown future career, but God's given you an awesome journey & I am excited to see how it goes & to be praying for you.

  6. this is rad. i'm excited for you Billy... this is a big change. i can't wait to see how you grow and develop. how crazy is it that you and i have almost the same top 5 strengths... i'd like to talk to you more about what you want to do with that (even though that stresses you out haha.) i will pray for you and pray for trevor right now!

  7. hawaii is an amazing place-it is blessed to have you for a couple months.

    I hope God will further till my fleshly proneness to desiring comfort over obedience. - this is a beautiful and worth while endeavor.

  8. ah billy, so excited for you! i didn't know you'd be gone for two months though! i'm certain it will be a great adventure and i fully believe in the ability of your heart to embrace and explore it passionately. i love being around you and i can't wait to hear more about your time there.

  9. I am sorry I am just commenting on this now!

    I'm catching up with your blogs and life. I just got back from ecuador so I am sorry I'm late.

    this is all very cool and interesting. I totally feel ya on wanting so badly to be utilizing what God has entrusted you with for HIM.